I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
