dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
