Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i permit you to call me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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