Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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