Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
