Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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