3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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