We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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