You're my little dorito
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
its liver damage thursday
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
