party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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