I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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