Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
