When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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