I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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