Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
