after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
