I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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