if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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