I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
