I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
