You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i believe in u and ur pee
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
