She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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