Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
