Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
