just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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