I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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