I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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