I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
