I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize