I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
