Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
