just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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