please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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