So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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