4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
