i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
