hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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