just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
