What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize