Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
