and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
