I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I want to fling myself into the sun
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
