I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
