We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
