at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
