I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
