His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
