You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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