Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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