Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
