well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she told me i tasted like america
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
