Quick, to the slutcave!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
