I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize