im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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