I heard we made out
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
