Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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