Umm I'm too high to move.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize