I think I died a long time ago.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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