Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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