Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
