He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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