Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize