I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize