He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
