I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
